Sometimes I wonder if I’m scared of success.
The obvious answer would be, “No, of course not! That’s crazy talk. Why would I not want to be successful?”
I honestly can’t tell you. All I know is that sometimes I feel like I could do so much more, and other times I tell myself I’m doing all I can and success takes time so why don’t I give myself a break. How many breaks are too many, though? What’s the point of networking and blogging for The Lifestyle Project when I could be pitching freelance leads all day every day? Yes I’m building up my online presence but am I doing so at the expense of my income?
On days when I’m harbouring a load of self-doubt, it’s too easy to compare myself to others and ask why I’m not as far along in my self-employment career as I’d like. Hearing about other freelancing stories is usually so inspiring to me, but on an ill-timed day, reading about how other bloggers are making it with alternative careers can lead me down a black hole. So much for taking my own advice, right? Comparison is the thief of joy.
I know that I’m not the only one who feels this way, but sometimes it’s almost like admitting defeat to voice my insecurities out loud.
This summer has been an interesting one. Much better than last year (a thousand times better than last year). But in terms of making the amount of money I would've liked... not so much. My husband and I swing through saving and spending phases, and after our recent trip to Central America, we are definitely in recovery mode. I haven’t had the opportunity to travel around the United States as much as I would’ve liked because, to be completely candid, we just haven’t had the funds. There’ve also been some wrenches thrown in our military/life plan, but I’ll save those updates for another day.
With all of that being said, I generally have good days more often than not. Honestly, what do I have to complain about in the grand scheme of life? Travelling to developing countries has always helped me to maintain a healthier perspective about viewing the world around me and how fortunate I am, and that mindset is one that I try to come back to when I’m in a pessimistic head space.
As for whether or not I really am scared of success, I don’t know… I think it’s more so a case of feeling like my goals are close enough to be within reach but far enough away to still be overwhelmed by all the work it’ll take to achieve them. The fact that I also tend to be paralyzed by perfectionism doesn’t help.
Whenever I get into funks like these, cheesy motivational quotes always seem to help. And alcohol. And funny videos. With that, I’m off to take one of those breaks I talked about earlier...
What do you do when you're struggling with success and self-doubt?
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