Thursday, November 14, 2013

My Irrational Fear

jennifer-lawrence-scared-reaction-gif

Allow me to preface this post by saying that I’ve been living on my own since I was 18. 

I lived with roommates throughout university, some of which were awesome and became my best friends, some of which remained roommates and we didn’t necessarily have each other’s backs in the same way. We each did our own thing and came and went as we pleased. 

I’ve always had my own space and think of myself as a rather independent person. At 22 years old, I picked up and moved across the world to Korea and lived by myself. At 23 years old, I embarked on a trip to Vietnam and Cambodia, travelling by myself.

Three years ago I came back to Canada and moved in with my boyfriend, and that’s where it all began.
Since we’ve been living together, my degree of independence has certainly decreased, partly due to my own fault and partly because my husband (oh yeah, we got married) spoils me. While I definitely enjoy my “alone time” and being by myself, his presence in our home is so comforting and something I have come to rely on. If I truly want to feel safe at home, he needs to be here.

Please forgive me if I just made you gag over your keyboard. 

Doing my thing during the days, even going to sleep at night when M is out of town -- no worries, I can manage just fine.

Yesterday was a very much needed work day and I got really into the blogging zone. But when I tweeted this at three in the afternoon I knew it was time to pick up my game. 


And herein lies the problem -- when it comes time to shower and I’m home alone, these irrational fears start creeping their way through my brain. It’s been getting worse especially over the past year to the point where I have to talk myself into putting on facewash and sudsing up with my eyes closed in the shower. When did I turn into this person?!

I double checked that the deadbolt was on (despite that meaning I would lock my husband out of the house if he came home early). I double checked that the two locks on the balcony door were engaged. Yet still, at the slightest peep, out pops my head from behind the shower curtain listening with all my might to hear if somebody is in the house. I mean, what am I going to do while naked in the shower anyway?

I’ve lived alone, I’ve travelled alone, I never ever watch horror movies, so where did this irrational fear come from? 

Ugh, it’s so annoying, I know I’m being ridiculous, I’ve never even been robbed or anything like that! Does anyone else share these irrational fears? Any techniques that you’ve used to overcome them? Help a sista out!

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19 comments:

  1. hahaha! I have been staying at my sister's house, which has a million huge windows and no curtains, and I will wake up in the middle of the night and hear a noise and wish I had my husbands gun (which I hate) and try to plan out what I would do if there was a robber in the house... I think we are just being paranoid. Maybe get a dog? haha :)

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    1. Totally paranoid! Such a dumb problem to have but I can't turn my brain off :( I'll definitely be getting a dog once we've finished up with our next round of travels and move into military housing!

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  2. Oh no! That does not sound good and I honestly don't have any suggestions on what to do. No lie, it's pretty funny from my view but I'm sure not so much on yours. I think having a pet like a dog, cat, snake or monkey will help a bit. :-)

    Mo

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    1. BTW, loving the GIF of Jennifer Lawrence! :-)

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    2. It's kind of funny from my point of view too, trust me I can see how ridiculous I'm being. But I think that yes, a pet monkey will surely help to solve my issues hehe

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  3. Be thankful it's only the shower. I have that *exact same* irrational fear (but it stems from my sister having her face an inch from mine when I opened my eyes after shampooing as a kid) AND about a million others...I am going to SUCK at being home alone (is this why I still live at home at 30?) LOL

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    1. I probably would have been scarred as well if someone did that to me! Did your sister torture you like that regularly or was it a special one-time kinda thing? I remember you telling me about the mirror thing too... :S

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  4. Maybe you should see a therapist. Sometimes it helps to talk it out. I've noticed that I get nervous in the shower alone too but not to the point that I'm scared to do it. I hope you conquer your fear!

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    1. Thank you Candice! :) I don't think I'm at the point where I need to speak to a therapist so hopefully I can stick to mind over matter and conquer that bitch!

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  5. When I'm alone, I can't sleep when the covers aren't tucked in at the end of the bed. Ever since I watched The Grudge when it came out (back in high school I think).. I have this irrational fear that some green-nasty-rotting woman is going to crawl all creepy like underneath my covers and get me. Ya. I said it and I'm ashamed. lol!

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    1. Thank you for sharing in my irrational fear shame!! lol Why do we let our minds play games like this ahh!

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  6. I hate being at home alone period...but just at night! Hopefully this fear will go away soon, but you have to remember that absolutely nothing is going to hurt you....mind over matter!!! :) And thanks a million for your sweet comment today! Made me smile!! xoxo

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    1. Thanks for the advice Shanna, I agree at this point I need to remember the fear is all in my head. Hope you had a nice weekend :)

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  7. Awe! I honestly have no idea how to solve this problem. I agree with Candice, maybe a therapist? Talking things out does wonders, and everyone should see a therapist at some point in their life.

    "Yet still, at the slightest peep, out pops my head from behind the shower curtain listening with all my might to hear if somebody is in the house." Not even gonna lie, I've done this way too many times. Lol. Xx

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    1. That's such an interesting statement that everyone should see a therapist at some point in their lives. I'll keep this issue in mind for I ever make that appointment ;) Thanks for your comment Donald!!

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  8. So sorry to hear that, maybe put your favorite tunes on when you're about to take a shower or do a little workout. I actually love being home alone, so I wish these suggestions help a little.

    xo
    http://pinksole.com

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    1. Thanks for your tip Rachelle, I'll give the music a shot!

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  9. omg! wow! I thought i was the only one! this happens to me, too... my boyfriend just left for school a few months ago, so we don't live together anymore, and whenever i'm home along and in the shower i get SO scared. i always am peeking out of the curtain... sometimes i get so scared to wash my face and close my eyes that i just wash my face with my eyes open and the soap gets all in my eyes and stings and it's awful! I don't know WHAT i'm so scared of. I think with the loud sound of the shower, i'm afraid that i won't hear if someone is breaking in or something?

    i recently got a chihuahua, who basically barks anytime he hears a pin drop, so it's helped a little bit... like i can tell myself "there's no one here , because i didn't hear grendel bark." sometimes it works. but sometimes i get even more paranoid and i'm like, "no! someone has already broken in and shot grendel with a silencer and they're coming to get me!" then i jump out of the shower and grendel is just sitting there, wagging his tail at me in the living room. it's so awful.

    going to read through these comments, because i have no tips of my own to give- sorry! just know you're not the only one!!

    -amber
    http://thesiblingrivalries.com

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    1. We are totally on the same page Amber! With washing my face at the sink, somehow I have this vision that I'll look up and Medusa's head will be behind me staring at me in the mirror. Ugh, creeps me out just thinking about it!! I think that started from childhood stories / urban legends. Remember the one about how if you go into the bathroom in the dark and say her name 3 times she'll appear in the mirror? Anyway, I'm just being ridiculous now. All this to say that I thoroughly get where you're coming from with the dog killer fear too. How did we get so paranoid?! If you figure any techniques out that help you, please let me know! :)

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